Of course, I had expected that by the age of 7 it was inevitable for my son to begin to have serious thoughts about Father Christmas.  Sure enough, one day he said, “Mum, I know something about Father Christmas, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.”

Taking a deep breath, I asked him: “And what is that?”

He replied:  “They’re all nocturnal.”

1 CORINTHIANS 13 - THE CHRISTMAS VERSION
Author unknown

 

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another decorator.

If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas puddings,
preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another cook.

If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home, and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes,
attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir's cantata,
but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.

Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside decorating to kiss the husband.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn't envy another's home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn't yell at the children to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be in the way.
Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return,
but rejoices in giving to those who can't.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
Computer games will break, cashmere jumpers will wear out, golf clubs will get lost.
But giving the gift of love will endure.
Happy Christmas!

Christmas is the season when your neighbour’s radio keeps you awake playing ‘Silent Night’.

The Parish of Dalton with Ireleth and Askam

Deanery:  Furness         Diocese:  Carlisle

New Life Funnies

One night Freda went carol singing.  She knocked on the door of a house and began to sing.  A man with a violin in his hand came to the door.  Within half a minute tears were streaming down his face!  Freda went on singing for half an hour, every carol she knew—and some she didn’t.  At last she stopped.  The man had continued to weep gently throughout her performance.

“I understand,” she said softly.  “You are remembering your happy childhood Christmas days.  You’re a sentimentalist!”

“No, not exactly,” he replied in a choked sort of voice.  “I’m a musician!”

What are angels like?

 

I only know the names of two angels, Hark and Harold.

 

Everybody’s got it all wrong.  Angels don’t wear halos anymore.  I forget why, but scientists are working on it.

 

It’s not easy to become an angel!  First you die.  Then you go to heaven, then there’s still the flight training to go through.  And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.

 

Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to do something else.

 

My guardian angel helps me with maths, but he’s not much good for science.

 

Angels don’t eat, but they drink milk from holy cows.

 

Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven.  The basic message is where you went wrong before you got dead.

In Jane’s Christmas drawing, two of the camels were approaching the inn, over which was pictured a large star.  The third camel and its rider were going directly away from it.

“Why is the third man going in a different direction?” her mother asked.

Jane replied: “Oh, he’s looking for a place to park.”

Mother decided that 10 year-old Cathy should get something ‘practical’ for Christmas. 

“Suppose we open a savings account for you?” she suggested.

Cathy was delighted.

“It’s your account, darling,”  mother said as they arrived at the bank, “so fill out the application.”

Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for ‘Name of your former bank’.  After a slight hesitation, she put down ‘Piggy’.

Father Christmas enters through a hole in the chimney and leaves through a hole in your pocket.

The little boy was to be an angel in the Christmas play and his one line was:  “Behold, I bring you good tidings.”  He asked what tidings were and his mother explained that the word meant news.  On the night of the play, the youngster had stage fright and, after a long silence, blurted out: “Hey, have I got news for you!”

A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: 'They couldn't get a baby sitter.'

Exasperated Mother on Boxing Day:

“William, why ever did you kick your little brother in the stomach?”

“It was his own fault, he turned around.”

 

First man:  “My wife doesn’t know what she wants for Christmas.”

Second man:  “You’re lucky.  Mine does!”